She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
