Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize