I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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