Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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