You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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