Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
