You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
