So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I touched a dick in church today
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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