I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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