insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize