Swine flu is the new snow day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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