did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
