This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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