can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
