If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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