you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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