If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
