Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My breasts were aching with rage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
