Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
