VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
