imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
