pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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