there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
