her facebook's as public as her vagina
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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