I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
