I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
