Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Need sex. Gaining weight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
someone owes me an orgasm
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
