If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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