my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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