In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Buhtt sex?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize