So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
