and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
