69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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