my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
