My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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