oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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