don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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