I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
