I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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