Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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