Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
