My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
