Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
