So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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