I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
