thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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