On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i was born a porn star she said
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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