Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
