I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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