You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
