i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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