when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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