I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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