I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
