Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
