In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need moral support for this bender
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
