she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
