I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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