My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
