we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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