Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
