I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i've created a new STD.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
